It was time to play video games! School had let out and I ran to San Diego's downtown mega arcade. It was a huge room with tons of games, like Ms. Pacman, Centipede, and Donkey Kong. The rows of video game machines lined the walls. There weren't many other kids there, cause they liked sports, or went to after school clubs. The place smelled gross, because more older people were there, and they smoked cigarettes. It was kind of dark, with only the outside sunlight coming through the entrance, and the flashing graphics of the video games giving any light. The songs that I had become used to, played as usual. Music by people like Phil Collins, Air Supply, and Lionel Ritchie. They were all songs about love. The words didn't mean much to me, but the singing sounded nice. Wow, this place was heaven!

I sat down inside one of those games where you could pretend to drive a car. I had no money, so I would really have to pretend. I liked to talk to myself sometimes. I began to speak to my reflection in the video screen, as the speeding cars raced through the game over sign. "Hi, my name is Jamie. I don't know who you all are, but I like to think someone is listening. I like to imagine that me and my mom are on a twenty-four hour TV show. It's cool to think that at any time someone can turn on the tv and see what trouble we're in. We moved down here a few months ago from Pittsburgh. At first we had to stay in a couple of shelters, but now we are staying at the Keystone Hotel, only a couple blocks away from here, so I am happy. The people that stay there are kind of weird though. You know, druggies. I think maybe some whores, and then of course other kids like me, living with single moms who have boyfriends that beat them up and sometimes the kids too. The only difference is these kids have brothers and sisters. Me, I am an only child. It can get a little lonely sometimes, but I could hardly imagine my mom worrying about another kid besides me.

"Hey kid. Who ya' talkin' to." A deep voce came in from behind my ear, making it vibrate a little.

"Oh!" I replied startled, turning around as this guy lifted his head from inside my video car. "I wasn't speaking to nobody." I kept my hands on the steering wheel.

"Just talkin' to yourself, hey." The man said smiling.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied as I got out of the video game and stood leaning against the side of it.

"You Mexican?" The man asked.

"Kind of." I replied shyly as I put my hands in my front pockets. People always asked me what I was. I got annoyed on the inside by this question, but you know I guess it's a natural question to ask. My mom, she's Mexican, but likes to call herself Chicana. She has never been to Mexico, except maybe the racetrack in Tijuana. Even though she says she knows Spanish, it doesn't seem to be. She certainly hasn't taught me any. My dad is a white guy and lives on the east coast. So I got dirty blond hair, big brown eyes, and what I am told is olive skin. Whatever that means. I don't think I look like no damn olive.

A question I hate even more is when people ask me if I'm a boy or a girl. Do I hate this question! I don't know what it is. I mean it's true I don't like sports. But so what, I like He-Man and Castle Greyskull. One of my mom's friends, she said it's because I've got long eyelashes, like a woman's. But then she said she wished she had my eyelashes, and I wondered, why if she's a woman, she didn't already have them. Oh well, who knows.

"You still there kid?" the man said, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Yeah," I answered as my body jumped to attention.

"So kinda Mexican, you wanna play a game?" The man stared at me with his creepy cat eyes. The guy was old. He must have been about 22 or something. I think he was Mexican. He had wavy dark hair, and a dark moustache. He wasn't fat or skinny. I had seen him around my other friends. But I never really talked to him before. I guess I'm a little shy.

"I don't have any quarters." I said with my head down, and looking all sad.

"Hey, I wouldn't of asked you to play if I wasn't going to help you out," he said as he put a quarter into my hand. "What do you want to play?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess Frogger would be cool." I loved to play this game. In the game you are a frog, trying to cross a lake or something. You have to keep jumping from log to log, trying not to fall in the water. Plus you have to watch out for alligators trying to get you. I started to walk towards Frogger, when all of a sudden this Lionel Ritchie song came on. I think it was called "Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For." I'm not sure, but I know that's a part said in the song.

"Hey kid before you go play your game," said the man, as he grabbed my arm, "I want to talk to you some more."

"Oh, I thought you wanted to watch me play." My eyes widened at him. I was kind of confused. He seemed like a nice guy. I wanted him to watch me. His eyes weren't so weird anymore.

"No, I do want to watch you. Just let me talk to you for a minute. Hey look at me." He said as he put his hand on my chin and turned my face towards his. I didn't really want to look at him. I didn't like looking at people in the eyes. He started looking at me real strong, and licked his lips a little.

He whispered in my ear. "Do you know what a blowjob is?" I looked down and started to smile. This was really weird.

"I guess. I mean I heard about it in school," I replied laughing a little.

"How old are?" The guy asked as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm twelve." I lied. I had two months and sixteen days before I was twelve.

"You know when I was your age I was giving men blowjobs," The guy said, like it was no big deal.

"Really!? Did you like that?" I replied, with a half disgusted look on my face, but I stopped myself from looking too grossed out, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Yeah, I did like it. Plus they gave me money sometimes." He nodded his head, with his lips opened a little. He brought out a roll of quarters. Oh my God! I would love to have that roll of quarters, I thought.

"You think you would be interested in that, little man? You know I think you will like it. Plus I know you love video games." He raised the roll of quarters to my eyes, and smiled like the Joker.

"No, I don't think so. I have never done that before. And I think I'm too young." I said with surprising know-it-all.

"Too young? But your friend Chris, he doesn't mind doing it. In fact I think he enjoys it. And it doesn't hurt to have a little money in your pocket," the man said.

"I can get money. I have a job selling candy," I said, putting my hands on my hips. Everything got all quiet between us, so I continued to speak. "You know my mom is expecting me home." Not looking at him, I smiled and ran off. With all my strength I pushed open the glass doors, leaving the arcade, as the sun blinded my view of the outside.

 

Wow! It was another day at Cherry Grove Elementry and I got back my spelling quiz and I got a B+! I felt very proud, but I could of got an A. But you know why I didn't, because I love to go to the movies, even more than the arcade. On 5th Street near the hotel are two movie theaters. Each one plays double features over and over again, all day and all night long. I go whenever I can. When the movie is R rated, I have to make one of my mom's stupid boyfriends come along. Today Supergirl and The Last Starfighter were playing and they were both PG.

I turned to my friend Sean sitting next to me at the long table. This classroom was weird because we didn't have our own desks. Just two long tables. "Hey, what did you get on your quiz?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He looked down at his quiz, which he had turned over so no one could see it. His brownish orange hair hung over his freckled face, covering his blue eyes. I placed my arm around him and said, "Hey don't worry about it.

Do you want to go to the movies after school?"

"I can't. I got no money. My mamma is with that guy. You know the one always wearing the preacher clothes," Sean said, sadly.

"Yeah, he always has that can he wants people to fill with money." I took my arm off Sean, putting my finger to my nose, but I stopped myself from going inside.

"Yep that's him . And now since my momma's been with him, she never gives me no money no more for movies, the arcade, nothin'!" Sean explained with his eyes all big.

"Jamie and Sean, quiet please." The grey haired lady teacher rudely interrupted us. She had finished returning the quizzes to the other kids. Now we would have to go over the words most misspelled.

I leaned over and whispered in Sean's ear. "Your mom's boyfriend, he's not really a preacher, is he?"

Sean gave me an annoyed stare. I looked around the room at the other kids. At the table behind me sat a kid named Julio. He was wearing a shirt without any sleeves. He had a handsome face. Wow! That's all I could think, he looked like The Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio. If only I could go out with him. But of course I couldn't, because I was a boy. The school bell rang and I had to stop thinking of Julio and adjust myself.

Me and Sean left the classroom, which was in this huge trailer. So we ended up outside, not in a hallway, like schools back east. Across the way was another one of these trailer classrooms and the beautiful girl of my dreams came out. "Oh Sean, there's Sol. God she looks so nice today," I gushed. Her long brown hair flowed down her back, and her green eyes came out strong. I guess it was because of her green shirt, with a smiling sun on it. She walked toward us with the sun reflecting behind her, making me squint. "Did she smile at me Sean?" I said, as my head spun.

"I dunno. I guess so. Look, I really gotta get goin'. My mamma wants me to help her boyfriend," he said, as he ran off towards the steep downward hill leading to the skyscrapers of downtown. I quietly walked after him, and stood atop the hill, watching him until he disappeared. The sun was real big, and I could see it straight ahead, in front of me, as it lit the city below. The Lionel Ritchie song I had heard in the arcade began to play in my head, as I began walking below the sun. Well I guess I would have to go to the movies by myself. I wish I could be in the movies. It would be cool to play the hero, and I would have to rescue Sol, and Julio could be my partner.

Well, it was time to move again. My mom was fed up with her boyfriend beating her up all the time. She got an offer for us to stay in a room of a house in some rich neighborhood called La Jolla, a suburb of San Diego. This is a place where all the houses were nice looking, but they all looked the same. They were surrounded by mountains, and there were a lot of palm trees. I guess it was beautiful. I had been there before, when my boss Barry drove me there to sell candy door to door. I found out that I would be going to Alameda Elementry. Boy, it's really annoying to change schools all the time.

My mom had been very quiet lately. She had no boyfriend amd must of felt kind of isolated out here. I knew for sure I missed the movies and the arcade, and I guess my friends. But tonight I was excited, because Barry would be picking me up to take me and a couple of other kids, to the drive-in movies! Barry's blue car pulled into the driveway. I ran outside to greet him, as my mom followed after.

I stood next to the car ready to jump in and get going. My mom walked towards the driver's side where Barry was sitting. "Is there any other kids going?" I heard my mom ask.

"Yeah, I'm picking them up next," Barry replied, smiling as he shook my mom's hand.

"Oh, ok." My mom said nodding her head, as she pushed back her dark hair that blew over her sleepy brown eyes. People always thought she was my older sister. I guess she looked pretty young. Her voice shaking a little, she said,"You know Barry, I really appreciate you taking Jamie out to the movies. He really loves it." She smiled, as she looked over the roof of the car, at me. Even though she was smiling she looked really sad. I walked around the car towards her. Opening her arms for me, I hugged her. She held me real tight, as her hair brushed against my face. For some reason I felt like crying a little, but there was no reason to because I was going to the movies with Barry.

Barry was a great guy. I think he was forty-two. I met him through my friend Chris. He always took us downtown kids to carnivals, pizza, and the best thing, the drive-in. He was kind of like having a dad, and sure did look like one. He was very put together. He didn't drink, or have long hair and tattoos. His hair was brown, like his eyes. He was a little chubby, with a round face. He reminded me of an oversized teddy bear.

We drove along the freeway and I watched as speeding cars drove by, passing in front of us. Barry was always very good about the speed limit. I turned to him and said, "So who else are we picking up?"

"It's just you and I tonight. The others couldn't make it," he answered not taking his eyes off the road. "I didn't want to worry your mom. You know mothers can be a little paranoid."

"Yeah, I know" I nodded my head and turned away from him, smiling. "How old are you again, Barry?"

"I told you that before. Don't you remember?" Barry replied.

"I know, but I forgot," I said getting up from my seat, and putting my face close to his ear.

"Hey, be careful. Sit back down." Barry commanded, as I plopped down into my seat. "I'm 24."

"No, you're not, smarty pants!" I laughed.

"Yes, you're right I'm not 24. I am the reverse of that. Do you know what that is?"

"It's 42! I'm not stupid," I said, accidentally spitting a little.

"I know you're not, kid," he said as he patted my head, and I smiled.

We approached our exit and I could see the brightly lit marquee in the distance along with the huge blank movie screen. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" I said jumping up and down in my seat. Barry turned towards me and smiled at my silliness. We came closer to the marquee and I read the titles aloud, "Witness and Thief of Hearts." Below the titles were huge red letters saying RATED R. "Yes!" I screamed. Barry turned to me and said, "What is it?" Smiling uncontrollably I replied, "Oh nothing, I'm just really excited about seeing these movies."

We pulled into our space and Barry bought me Twizzlers and a Cherry Coke. The movies began. I was so into them I didn't even taste the soda and candy. I just stared directly at the big screen. The first film was Witness, it's about this Amish kid, around my age, who is being chased by villains, and Harrison Ford protects him. Wow, it was so cool. That kid is so lucky to be in this movie. I wished I could be him. The next film, Thief of Hearts, was about this guy who goes to this lady's house to rob her, but they end up having sex instead. There sure was a lot of sex scenes in this movie. But I didn't mind because the guy was really handsome. I kind of wished I could be the lady. I could feel Barry looking over at me during the sex scenes. I hoped he couldn't tell that I liked the guy in the movie. Maybe he just felt bad for taking me to a movie with so much sex in it.

The movie ended and this really cool song played over the credits. It reminded me of the songs I heard back at the arcade. Barry placed his hand on my leg and asked, "Did you like the movies?" I turned to him and said, "Yeah, but the first one had a better story." I turned away from him and watched the screen as it went from black to white. Barry's hand was rubbing my leg. It was kind of weird. His heavy hand went in between my legs. I could feel my throat choking up, and I said, "Barry, what are you doing?"

"Just touching you that's all. You know you left your fly unzipped."

"Oh my God. I am so sorry. How embarassing. Let me zip it up." I placed my hand on his big hand and had a hard time lifting it up from my body. I finally lifted it, and began to zip up my zipper.

"No, no let me do it," Barry said.

"It's ok I don't really want you to," I said, kind of nervously. I didn't want to make him mad.

Barry lifted his body up slightly, reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He had his head down and pulled out a five dollar bill. He turned to me and said, "Here's five dollars. Let me just feel you for five minutes." He placed the money in my hand, and with his hand went back to between my legs. I felt his hand going into my pants. If only I had remembered to keep my zipper up. His hand grabbed at me roughly down there. His hand was cold. It was so cold. I couldn't look at him. Did he really need to do this? Why was he doing this? My eyes concentrated on my shoes, for I didn't want to look at his hand. I then looked up and stared straight ahead at the blank screen. I knew my reflection was in the windshield, but I didn't want to look at myself. I heard his voice mumble, "You are so soft." How many minutes had gone by? Was it two minutes, three minutes? I wished five minutes would get here already. I felt a continuous lump in my throat. I kept my lips tightly closed to keep from screaming.

We drove back towards where I was staying, without speaking much. The car pulled into the driveway. The house was completely dark. Barry had a blank look in his eyes. I turned to him and said, "So when will I see you again." Barry turned to me a little, but didn't really look at me. "Next week." I turned my head away from him, and nodded as I bit my lower lip, and said, "Ok." I opened the car door, and turned to Barry, giving him a half smile, and a little wave of my hand. Getting out of the car, I walked towards the strange house, as the car pulled slowly away.

I tiptoed quietly to the room me and my mom shared. In the room she slept soundly while drooling on her pillow. I quietly got into my bed, not taking my clothes off. I wondered about what had happened, and why it happened. Did I do something to make Barry do that? I didn't know what to think. I wanted to forget it all. I looked up at the dark ceiling and went to sleep.

A couple days later I had to go to school. This stupid spelling quiz was really hard. I am sure it was made just for rich kids. I knew I must have failed it. I left school really depressed. Getting good grades had been one thing that I had had control of. I walked up the lonely winding streets. The clouds rolled by, allowing for the California sun to break through at times. I felt so small. I began to fantasize about being in a horror movie like Friday the 13th, and everybody could watch me get my head cut off.

In the distance along the main road I spotted a 7-11. I began to walk in that direction. Reaching into my pockets, I pulled out the five dollar bill that Barry gave me. My body tensed up, and my breathing became kind of heavy. "Stop it!" I said aloud.

I entered the 7-11 and using the five dollars, bought a cherry mixed with coke slurpee, and got quarters for the arcade machine. The video game Galaga was in the back corner of the store. In this game you are a rocket ship that has to destroy other rocket ships that are firing at you from above. I placed the quarter in and began to play. I could see my blank reflection in the video screen. My hand pressed the fire button rapidly. I felt different. What was I to become? Would I become like those druggies and whores at the Keystone Hotel? Will I be a faggot for life? Or would I become like him? Becoming lost within the dark outer space of the game, I killed until I reached the highest score and lost all my lives.

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